And for some reason I feel absolutely defeated and crushed today, even though I won a HUGE spiritual victory in regards to my financial situation. I prayed to receive some money that was due me, and received an answer--in meatspace--immediately.
So why the hell do I feel so bad? Why so lethargic today? Why do I feel defeated, and like just behind my eyes is a dammed river of tears?
Because I am lonely. There are people in my life--countless people--and I must have joined at least ten Meetup groups today--but it is an energy of seeking what I don't have, and not of celebrating what I do. I spent time with my family today and it felt the same--as though I was desperately seeking fulfillment from their company, rather than enjoying the fact that I already had it.
This is all well and good intellectually, but I need communion with my Lord--in the now time.
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