Day 73--Red Dragon

20 days later I'm logically following the same thread from the previous post. A lot has happened through my work at LFAC.

Actually, very little has happened through my work. A lot has happened through the practice of chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo for 5 hours a day, which we will continue until August 12. Chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, as well as other practices, bring us directly into vibration with the Divine, so that we may download true wisdom from the universe.

And such wisdom came to me with regards to the problem of my loneliness.

I was once Linmayu Most Damned, but now I am Linmayu Red Dragon. The appellation "Red Dragon" belongs to my nonphysical lover; it was once an alternate name for an actual person so that I wouldn't say his name in print, but it evolved to stand for the masculine entity within myself.

But screw that. The name, and the power it suggests, are mine. I do not have to look to another for the source of my power when it has been inside me all along.

As far as the "him" in question, it came to me within a day of chanting that yes, I do desire a connection with him--on every level--and furthermore, that this possibility is not closed to me as I thought it was. I have realized that though he is incredibly attractive, he is not out of my league. If that was the case, I certainly wouldn't have had the experience just 4 days ago of being flirted with by someone ten times more handsome than he.

However, in order to make this longing bear fruit, I cannot go on as I have. I cannot continue to put myself one-down and put him on a pedestal, as this unattainable love-god. In fact, I cannot continue to give him energy or thought at all--I need that energy and thought for myself and my own work! I can't inspire anyone to love if all I have to offer is sycophantic admiration. As a woman, what I have to offer is simply my being--which actually is never offered, but must be requested. My friend said to me recently, "It doesn't matter how powerful he is; you're still the woman."

Yes. I am a woman. Not a "misbegotten male" as we were once thought to be.

I am radiant.
I am beauty.
I am inspiration.
I am love.

These things are inherent in all womankind--not distributed only to the few who grace the magazine covers. In fact, ordinary women are often far more powerful in love than the world's great beauties. This is because the inner person is always more powerful than the outer person, and prevails when the two are in conflict.