No matter how many times a dancer takes the stage, there is always that deep seed of doubt and fear. The worry that she will fail--that her body will not carry the message she is meant to convey to her audience.
It's not an irrational fear. In some situations in ancient Hawaii, one mistake in a hula called for the dancer's immediate death. I am feeling the same dire circumstances surrounding tonight's performance. If I hold back in any way--if I do not fully surrender my body to Spirit--I will die. Or rather, I will fail to give birth to that which I contain. And that would be a living death.
So right now, in this moment, I am ready to fight, tooth and nail, every demon and every adversary that needs to be fought.
I saw in the mirror a face that was of neither side of my ancestry. A geisha face and a samurai face and a Buddha face. My real face?
Some of the Dahn masters have gone to Korea on a two-week meditation tour. I feel as though brothers and sons are going to war. Truly, these men and women deserve the honor due warriors--going to distant lands to do battle with the true enemy, the adversary within. And I long to join them, though I do not know if I can, being this age.
It is only a matter of time before I do join them. I feel it in my 2nd and 3rd chakras, so strongly. But first, the current battlefield...
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