A friend of mine in Oklahoma is taking a brave step out into authenticity tomorrow by attending a pro-choice rally at the State Capitol. I am very proud of her because she is risking a degree of social acceptance in order to make her voice--and the voices of countless Oklahoman women who may not have her courage or freedom--heard by the state government.
This is the kind of choice everyone needs to make--whether to risk displeasure or judgment from outside in order to give birth to what is inside. It doesn't have to be a huge thing--just something that forces one to deal with discomfort, in whatever form.
As for me, I recently let some of my yoga-related commitments fall by the wayside, due to changes in my work schedule that I was unable to prevent. I am feeling guilt and a sense of failure about this. Really, I was getting to the point where my practice and training were no longer enhancing my own mission, but replacing it. No longer helping me get in touch with my Source, but making me feel like I was on a treadmill and HAD to just keep running.
In a shamanic journey meditation during my instructor training in January, I had seen an arrow pointing straight ahead--signaling to me that the Dahn Yoga path--continuing my training until I became a master, then devoting my life to the cause--was unquestionably right for me. And I had been following it wholeheartedly, changing my work schedule and leaving my Christian ministry and my volunteer commitments. But recently I received another vision. I was on a snowy path and the road ahead of me became a fork. I could have gone left, or I could have gone right. I went right--and then I went off the path altogether, and created my own path in between the two paths.
Another vision, when I specifically asked whether I should continue, showed me that I will indeed take the path of the Dahn master, but that it will be a slow journey for me. I saw that I will indeed devote my life to healing the world, but (as usual) I have to break from the "approved" path in order to do it. I have to source my journey from within, or else I will not really be able to heal anyone or improve anyone's life...
but man, the disapproval I'm currently facing really sucks.
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Disapproval makes this all so hard. On the one hand, you shouldn't care what other people think. Screw 'em! If they can't accept you as you are, then they don't really care about you! To thine own self be true!
ReplyDeleteOn the other, you don't want to hurt the ones you love by letting them down.
I'm a bit worried that feeling bad about disapproval means feeling bad deep down about the decision/action. That's something I'm working through right now.
I think we all have an inner compass that knows whether we're right or wrong...but we also have brains, and brains love to analyze and calculate and doubt. Makes things more challenging to be sure!
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