Net of Light--day 19

I have found much happiness, comfort, and meaning in the Net of Light visualization ever since I read about it two days ago. I have LONG (since age 13 when I consciously refused to be confirmed in the Lutheran church, knowing that it was not the only Path out there) believed deep inside that we are all One, but it is only recently that I have found other people who share this inner knowing, or ways of consciously projecting it into the world.

There is an amazing peace in knowing that just by taking this simple action--not even an action, but simply focusing my mind on a certain Truth--that I am aligning with my Creator, healing myself and our Earth, and holding space for a better future to fall into place through the transformation of human consciousness.

Two nights ago when my family was out to dinner celebrating my father's 66th birthday, I consciously held the Net of Light during lulls in the conversation. I tried to visualize peace and harmony, even within my family (which actually seems to have plenty of peace and harmony as long as I'm not in the picture).

Of course, the moment you declare who you are, its opposite appears right in your face. On the way home, my sister announced to my father that I'm planning on "moving in with a lesbian," which in addition to being untrue (I'm only thinking about moving in with my friend, and she does not identify as a lesbian, but not as 100% straight either), caused all hell to break loose and my father to state that "you think everything is OK, but you can't expect me to accept you when you do crazy things with crazy people." And then "You should learn to get along with normal people, because there are more normal people than there are crazy people."

Oh, if he only knew the debt we all owe to the world's "crazy people!" The tireless service they render us, preserving and maintaining the shadow side of human society, so that the rest of us can call ourselves normal and say we aren't like "those people!" For how could anyone be "normal" unless there was an "abnormal" to compare it to?

When I was a few years younger, I would have just shut up and let him rant because I knew I could not win, then I would have gone up to my room, hating my father and myself, and buried my emotions in the simpler, more beautiful 8-bit world of my old Nintendo. But it's been a while, so I actually started to argue back before realizing the futility of such an action. My father is never, ever, ever going to see things my way, and furthermore, I don't need him to--I only need to love, honor, and respect him and listen to what he has to say. So I stopped arguing and withdrew into my room, just like in the past. But the Nintendo isn't there anymore; it has been replaced by a sacred altar where I light candles and pray and ask God what the hell I should do about my life.

One thing that has become clear to me is that it is absolutely impossible to control a person who has a direct line to the Divine. And every person has a direct line to the Divine. So in order to achieve goals and outcomes, even the best of us humans will attempt to tell others that "my way is the only way to God." If you get a person believing that, they are much more likely to follow you. I am thinking specifically of Ilchi Lee, founder of Dahn Yoga, who keeps preaching through his books and teachings that humans need to understand the concept of "Ours is not a better way, ours is merely another way" if we want to live in peace. Yet he seems to keep falling under accusations of leading a cult and demanding that his "followers" worship him as a "god."

Dahn practice has been incredibly interesting to me. It is not just a yoga class you go to for stretching exercises, even though when I signed up, that was all I was interested in. I have found it to be an opportunity to try on different mindsets, to learn how to control my energy, body, mind, and emotions, and to grow spiritually. Between Dahn practice, the Shamanic Training Program at Life Force Arts Center, and the Christian practices taught at Restore Ministries International, I have acquired an amazing set of "tools" for accessing the inner world and its wisdom. And I've experienced the cost of following this inner wisdom too, as I've had to continually shift my commitments with these organizations based on God's leading. (My name means "ocean" and most of the time I feel like I'm living in the middle of one...) Dahn has been the hardest to "let go" of, because I have felt so deeply connected to--and accepted by--so many of its people. But even if I must let those relationships go for a while, I have to do what I know is right for me.

I guess my education in fashion design wasn't wasted after all, because I have become a sort of "spiritual seamstress." Taking the fabrics of the world's religions, cutting away the nonessential, and sewing the pieces together with the thread of love. Creating beautiful garments that fit actual, individual human beings--making allowances for whatever irregularities and "flaws" each individual might have. For just because a person doesn't fit into the clothes you can get at Wal-Mart, doesn't mean he should have to go naked.