Day 40--back in the saddle

Apparently a year of living authentically involves two weeks of not blogging about it while I get my (fscking) act together. I could say "Shame on me!" but I'm not going to.

The essence of the Scotch pine has been a faithful ally throughout these weeks, always opening me to the vibration of love. Sometimes too literally! On June 12, which was day 32, I was in the shamanism class and during one of the journeys, I knew a Scotch pine tree--in the biblical sense. Really giving a new meaning to the term "treehugger." And then became fruitful and multiplied. I became a tree-human, with arm-branches heavy with oranges. (Oranges on a pine tree...yeah...don't ask questions). I became the sunlight on the grove of trees, coaxing a flowering plant into bloom, then enjoying the sensation of its petals against my skin. I became an owl in flight, swooping down to land amidst the flowers, then I became the flowers, then I became the soil in which they grew, as earthworms and sowbugs crawled through my body, creating more new life.

On the topic of love, this sums up my experience of today:

from the phoenix to the dragon

I'd be a fool to think
I could ever be your companion.
You seem to stay ten steps ahead of me--
always pointing the way ahead,
always showing how the impossible can be done.

And I remember seeing you in a vision
at the top of the red rock mountain,
waiting patiently for me to climb out of the pit.

And I remember that day when you held me tight within your strong arms
and would not let me go,
gently squeezing out my fear,
gently teasing out the tangled yet still unbroken thread of love.

I love the way my most shameful secrets
rolled off the surface of your Teflon mind,
never again to be mentioned or remembered.

And though my heart so often breaks to see you,
knowing you belong to another and I am vowed to solitude,
always you smile a moment later,
and I have no choice but to love you again.

I could explain, but I won't, not without his permission to be mentioned outright. And I don't have the courage to ask him. So, that story will have to wait until the book comes out--if the book comes out. I have been getting the message from Spirit to sink myself deeper into art--specifically dance--and to write a different, more commercially viable book.

Actually, thinking about it, this one WILL still be written. If I don't write it, I will be out of integrity with myself.

And if I don't get off this computer and put on some belly dance music in short order, the same.